Im getting a little self contious

feeling so self righteous


feelings I cant hide them,

want to step out side this,

little brown box

my little brown box


the one that keeps me locked

the one that tips and tosses

my emotions like a farris wheel

butterflies in my stomach make me ill

that how I know Im feeling some emotions

trapped in this love potion

I am an oyster in this ocean

Song 1 your name

somethings just never change

I keep calling, calling out your name

feeling deranged, wake up. feeling strange

somethings stay the same

I keep holding this emotional baggage and can't seem to maintain

I keep calling, calling, calling out your name.

sometimes feeling the morning sun

and the evening breeze,

sometime I fall to my knees and can barely breathe,

barely see, so I keep

I keep, calling, calling, calling out your name

I cant get my mind straight, can seem to contain, these emotions Im feeling that are just so strange

potent to me there precious to you,

you are my sun shine when I don't know what to do

so I keep falling for you, keep crawling to you,

so I keep calling and calling and calling you

and I keep calling calling calling out your name

Poetry in Motion: My Despair

I am quite unusual, some consider me to be usable, reusable, abuse able, having me to the point were I can not talk right, finish up my syllable, I know it's all psychological, my thinking is not logical, irrational, so bashful, in the right company I'm a disaster, so casual as I try to be,the world again and again misreads me, misguides me, so I try to hide me,

Trying again to pull myself to gether like a broken vase, the past keep haunting with thougthts I can not erase, I try to meditate, translate, make my logic straight, but i just cant seem to penitrate, the meaning of my issues, every few days I'm using all the tissue, how can I be a back bone, when my back feel broke, how can I be an inspiration, when i feel no hope, i need the pope, or a coat, cause my mind is cold, feeling old and ackward ugly inside, inspiration has died, im finished i've tried.

 Tell nothing is left only flesh and this bones, and a yearning to go home, but there is no home to go, though, i have a bed, I have a steady place to rest my head, though I wished I was in a tent in the wilderness instead.

Hair Care for the Lazy to Share

So I'm guilty, I hardly ever do anything with my hair,  so I am trying to improve my self image, and my appearence... fir business purposes as well as personal it's very important. To have a business that protains to fashion, current trends and such and to walk around, and not utilize those basic visuals available to me, is set up for disaster. It is much more difficult to sale a service o product that I myself show absolutely no interest in. In this case it is essential that I represent fashion, or a current trend in order for perspective customers to see me as a reliable source on that information, that being said.

This i so far what I have found.

A quick such for simple hair styles for busy people came up with this:

1. Bantu Knots
which can esily be looked up on youtube

2. 60s hair style
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yp3DWhiKhRk&feature=related
this is a little do wop looking do

I think everythink works differently depending on what type of hair you have, the one I picked for number one would work for me, I may need to use a straightener before I decide to attempt the second option

3.will be determined later.

Switch Up

So why is it that people say one thing but mean another, or why someone may spell their guts to someone for no specific reason at all . Why someone tries and tries to impress the one person that justr doesn't give a dam about them or their accomplishment.

What is this human desire to be noticed, to be understood, to fit in, to be relevant.

How can someone break this cycle and beat to their own drum, not worry about what others think, and not care what others say. While we may say we don't care certain things do effect us. Me for example, I can become the most over sensitive nut case in the right circumstances, weither I like to admit it or not , my envionment can severely affect me. My strong point is definately not taking criticism, taking negativity, or being able to coop well around people I feel don't like me.

So I want to find someways that I can benefit from to work on those issues, this information can also be shared with you and the people you love if you find it to be helpful and useful.

This for me is a huge problem so here are somethings that I would suggust trying:

1. Take a walk

2. listen to music with no lyrics, if I am already upset and then I begin listening to music, wither it is slow or upbeat, it only enhances how I am feeling if I am really upset. So I think it would be best to listen to music that has no words in it at all, only peaceful sounds.

3. Looking at beautiful pictures, mountain scenes, landscapes, sunsets, sunrises, and peaceful baby animals can be helpful.

Creative Standoff

At a place where anything goes, there is no time to vent, not a second to breathe and no space to portray my depiction of emotions into an audiences ears. Schools been overwhelming and never seems like there are enough hours in the day, envy crips up on me as others carelessly, blow their time away. Dressing up and going out, irresponsible, uncomprimising , walking the streets they scream and shout. Just once I wish that was me, feeling boxed in and stretched out. All of the things I could be doing, all the places I could go, all the people who could see meand then they would know, I'm more then they are thinking, I'd rather stop talking and instead I'd want to show. How creative I could be, since they really don't know.

I wish I could blow in the breeze, no worries no cares, put my mind at ease, only focusing on nature, flowers and the trees, no professors, no tests, no bills, no stress, no problems, no mess, a clear mind with an open heart,  wish that would be how everyday could start, able to occomplish tasks, able to roll down my windows and let me hair blow free, no dental appointments, no late fees, no unavoidable contact with no someone who does give a dam about me...

Depression in Recession, my obsession

Some may not see this as something serious, some may even see this as just a means to escape reality , or get away from responsibilities. But if someone can't smile, wake up everyday and start fresh ready and energized, then they are not living, they are only existing.

And sometimes that is exactly how I feel. Going to sleep hoping the next day will be better but only ending in the same way, or falling even deeper into the enemies threshold. Constantly trying to escape this place, this dark corner that is invisible to so many others but breathes down the back of my neck and glares at me everytime I turn a corner. i shouldn't have to repeatedly pick myself up on an hourly basis, I should not be so sensitive that the slightest irregularity in someone elses opinion of me destroys my whole day and drops my self esteem three notches in a sentence of negativity.

So I am making an attempt to fight back, not just for myself but for my families sake, my relationship and my child as well.This is my life and it doesn't make any since to waste it. Some days I wake up feeling helpless, worthless, invisible or with the desire to be invisible.

It may be up for debate that something like depression is genetic, but I am a strong believer that it is.I feel like there was a point and time when I was this happy little kid, but something happened and now that has all changed, often times I feel like only a portion of my former self, and wish I could regain what I once felt. Just pure and innocent joy.

So right now I feel like I have to fight, to prevent myself from turning into a absolute nut case who gets no joy out of life, who is lonely and old, helpless and miserable. No looking forward to tomorrow and no appreciation for today, so I am going to start researching ways to remedy this mental illness, which for some could be potentially deadly, though others would laugh at the thought.